I woke up and my spirit knew that the day was going to be a trying one. My intuition forewarned me. It is a thing for which I am grateful. Many prayers have been uttered from the nudge of my intuition. And this day was no different. I sensed what was to come and I bent my knees in total surrender. They say pray when it is hardest to pray. They may never know just how hard it may be.
The battles begun immediately. Ceaselessly. A fight with a loved one that escalated to great heights before it had even begun. I wanted to scream “This is not a big deal!”. Because it truly wasn’t. Yet, it was. Right now, it was a big deal. It felt like I had walked blindly into a trap. I was drawn into this deliberately. Was this a misunderstanding? What seemed almost trivial was now a great foe, baring down on my mind and life. Breathing fire and shaking faith. There was screaming. There was tears. And afterwards, confusion. Loss. Things had been said. Me and my mouth! Why had I reacted? Justification. I was provoked. We all saw that. Shouldn’t I know better? Yes I did. Oh no. Shame sat next to me. He gently and eerily placed his hand on my shoulder and told me “This is the best that you can be. You should know by now that you’re not as good as you hope to be. Give it up and accept you’re inadequate.” That word again. Why do I hear it so often?
I need to get away. I have to breathe. Clear my head. Where are you God? Why did this just happen?? I’m on my knees. But there are no words. “Where are you God?!”. Silence. “Help me! Please fix this!” Silence. “I’m not strong enough. Please! HELP ME?!”. Silence.
The day progressed. Mechanically. My mind on that which I wish had not been. I did what I had to. Still yearning for help. For answers. For encouragement. Perhaps if I call her. She always helps. She’s been busy….but she will help. I reached out with hope. It was met with fire. My stomach turned at the realisation, this was another attack. She was angry at me but hadn’t told me why. She had hidden her disdain and pushed me aside. “Again with this Jesus. Twice in one day??” What is wrong with me? What’s going on in my world? I prayed didn’t I? Did I not pray enough? We went back and forth for what felt like an eternity. Going round and round, with no solution in hand. A haunting choreography, it stopped suddenly after too long. Almost like it hadn’t been. She was back to herself and I am perplexed. Was this a mountain, or simply a test?
Again I cry out. Not with tears but frustration. Perhaps I don’t want to know what this is all about. Shame comes again, bringing along his old friends. Anger, regret and condemnation, all ready and rehearsed; a frightful quartet. Before I could sink, before I could fall, came a call that put a stop to it all. What impeccable timing, my dear, dear friend. She did not say much, but she spoke life! She knew nothing of my ordeals, but her words soothed them away. She brought the voice of uplifting and encouragement. The Lord answered my prayer through her. Through my storms of my day, He had been with me the whole time. What a difference a good friend makes. I write this with much joy! She is a treasure this one. She laughed with me, she echoed me. She heard me out. She prayed for me. She affirmed me. She loved me. 20 minutes with the right person cleared away my troubles. I could see hope. I could see redemption. At the end of a tough day, I felt renewed. A bad day is not the same as a bad life.
My friend, for you I am eternally and utterly grateful. You are EXTRAORDINARY.
The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.